Faster, Harder, Deeper
by Lyrical Rex
Summary: They're falling into love. [MWPP, SBRL, SSRL, SLASH, AU] Three, everything we wanted was just too far away.
1. A little more than friends

(If you read something similar to this a few days ago, please don't report me for plagiarism. This is me starting over on that story. Thanks.) **  
**

* * *

**Faster, Harder, Deeper**

_They're falling into love. MWPP, SBRL, SSRL, slight AU. Cliches with a twist._

One, a little more than friends.

* * *

It's chilly outside this morning, and all Sirius wants to do is climb into the hot, steamy shower. Only, the door is locked.

"Oi," he shouts, knocking at the door. "It's my turn for a shower."

"Sorry," says Remus as he unlocks the door and lets it swing open. "The shower's free. I'm just getting ready for classes." He turns back to the mirror and continues to work at his hair with his fingers.

"What's up, Re? You've been in here for ages," Sirius wanted to know. Remus does not wear cologne, but something about his scent today makes Sirius' heart beat harder. "You don't have a date or anything, do you mate?"

"How do I look?" Remus evades, turning around so that Sirius can see him fully.

"She won't be able to keep her claws off you," he grins, keeping resentment away from his voice and his eyes from straying too far down. No one would, not when even Sirius Black has to shove his hands in his pockets to keep from grabbing his friend and… touching him.

Remus nods a little and squeezes past Sirius as he mumbles about seeing him at breakfast. Sirius tenseswhen their arms brush and he wonders if Remus felt the spark too.

--

The others are halfway through breakfast when Sirius reaches the Great Hall. He sits on James' other side and watches Remus discreetly. It's driving him crazy, the way Clarisse Carby leans in to playfully bat at Remus' shoulder, and Remus lets her, grinning flirtatiously as he continues with his joke. Clarisse was just flirting with Sirius a couple days ago, and why would Remus want a slag like that?

But what really gets him is when Clarisse invites him to walk with her friends to class and he goes, flirting with not just Clarisse, but _all_ the girls, and they titter like canaries. Sirius refuses their invitation to walk with them, so James and Peter do the same. Remus looks curious for a moment but shrugs it off. "What is that?" Sirius snaps when he is out of earshot.

"What, is ickle Siri-poo afraid of losing his Idol status?" James coos. Peter joins in his laughter.

Sirius is furious. "Since when does Moony flirt with girls? Since when do _girls_ flirt with _him?_"

James clears his throat uncomfortably. "Well, if you haven't noticed, Moony is rather good looking."

"Yes," Sirius bites out, "I've noticed." James and Peter exchange glances, but Sirius doesn't care. "Why now? Why not before?"

"Because he's even hotter today," James explains.

Peter pipes up, "You can practically smell the sexy on him!"

Sirius doesn't know what the other two are talking about. He's no more attracted to Remus than usual.

Remus excuses himself to the dorms as soon as they step through the portrait hole, which surprises Sirius. He assumed Remus would continue flirting, maybe kiss a girl or two, but he doesn't. So Sirius follows him up the stairs.

"You're ignoring me," Sirius accuses as he shuts the door behind them.

"No I'm not," Remus says as he loosens his tie.

"Weird, eh?" Remus smirks, and Sirius has trouble breathing. He has trouble breathing because Remus lunges at him, smashing their lips together and moving his lips enthusiastically, thrusting his tongue into Sirius' mouth and making the pureblood moan.

"Oh," he says when Remus pulls away.

"Pheremones," Remus explains quickly, "Heat. Always sometime between when the new moon sets and the full moon rises. It'll start one day and won't stop until I get laid. You don't know what hell it is."

Sirius can see Remus moving to get up, so he grabs Remus' wrist. "I can help you," Sirius offers.

"I don't want to use you," Remus says, but Sirius has his other hand down the boy's pants and the last word comes out as a moan.

"Remus, I know you. You won't sleep with a bird unless she's your girlfriend and you won't get a girlfriend unless you like her and she knows and you've had a couple dates. And I know you're not likely to get a girlfriend, because you'll feel like you're using her. So please, Remus, do us all a favor and sleep with me." He doesn't even let Remus answer before he kisses Remus again and pulls him back on to his bed.

Remus resists at first, but the resistance doesn't last long. Soon he's tugging at Sirius' robes and tugging down his pants. Sirius is sweating and so turned on by the time Remus strips off his own clothing and closes the bed hangings around them.

-- 

The experience is as quick as Remus can make it. As soon as it's over, Remus murmurs a cleaning spell and a thanks before he darts off to the showers.

Sirius rolls over in his bed and smells Remus everywhere and wants to cry. Everything hurts. His heart. His asshole. He hears Remus pad back into the room and stop by his bed. Sirius wonders what Remus is thinking. Is he watching Sirius as he sleeps? Ha. He wishes.

"Hullo Moony," he murmurs. He's not looking. He isn't going to.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot. I didn't want to use you like that."

Sirius laughs lightly. "It's no big deal. What are friends for?"

Remus shrugs without a word. "I have to go finish that Charms assignment now."

"Okay," Sirius says.

"See you at dinner." The door closes softly behind Remus.

Sirius rolls onto his back and really does cry.

* * *

A little less than lovers.

* * *


	2. Make believe is beautiful

(Eep. Can you tell I'm not used to this? Reviews and love please. Thanks.)

* * *

**Faster, Harder, Deeper**

_They're falling into love. MWPP, SBRL, SSRL, slight AU. Cliches with a twist._

Two, make believe is beautiful.

* * *

Remus likes to pretend that the only time of the month his lycanthrope affects him is the full moon, but Sirius knows better. There's the heat Remus goes into three quarters through the month. There's the checkups he has to do every other week. There are the nightmares Remus has nearly every night.

Remus never calls them nightmares. If Sirius asks him why he's awake at night, he'll sometimes say it's nothing, he'll sometimes admit it was a bad dream, but nothing more. Tonight though, Remus is being louder about it than usual. He's moaning in his sleep and twisting so his legs tangle in the sheets. Sirius can't stand by and do nothing. So he quietly pads over to Remus' bed and lays a hand on the lycanthrope's bony shoulder. "Remus," he whispers sharply.

Remus inhales sharply when he wakes up. "Sirius?" Remus replies huskily. A hand trails up Sirius' arm, his hairs standing where Remus' touch ghosts until it reaches his neck and pulls the animagus down. Their mouths crash together, and Sirius has to straddle Remus so he's not uncomfortably half on the bed and half on the floor. When their groins touch, Sirius realizes that Remus had _not_ been suffering a bad dream.

Which begs the question, what (or who) was Remus dreaming about?

Sirius shoves the question out of his mind as he fumbles for Remus' wand on the bed table to shut the hangings and put a silencing charm around them.

--

Sirius can't sleep all night after that, after Remus apologies profusely and he laughs it off while feeling sick to his stomach. "What are friends for?" he says again.

But he can't help wondering what dream he woke Remus from. He hates this feeling that burns inside his chest. It's as if a fire could burst forth from his chest, it's that blistering painful. He wishes he never offered to help Remus with his heat. It hurts so much he doesn't know how much longer he can stand it. It's been three months since that first night in September. How long has Remus been going into heat, and how did he get through it before Sirius?

Not that Sirius really thinks Remus needs him, though he would like to imagine that.

Fuck, he isn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. So he rolls out of bed and makes for the bathroom.

He's almost surprised to hear the shower going and Remus crying. "Remus?" Sirius calls out, tearing back the shower curtain. Remus scrambles to hide his body, tears, and erection. He doesn't hide it in time. Sirius chokes back a gasp as he steps into the shower spray, regardless of his pajamas, and pulls Remus into his arms. He holds Remus tightly as he sobs into Sirius' shoulder.

"I hate this," Remus chokes out between sobs. "I _hate_ this. It's just another thing that me a freak. It won't – I've wanked already, twice, and it's not gone. And we just… Two _hours_ ago, Sirius. This problem should be _gone_."

"Sush, Remus," Sirius whispers, reaching with one hand for his clothes. He kisses Remus softly on the temple, running his hand down the boy's naked front, stroking Remus gently. "We'll just do this again is all. Come on Re. Let's take it slowly."

Remus' sobs subside as he groans and presses Sirius up against the wall. Sirius moans into Remus' lips and wraps his arms around Remus' neck and his legs around Remus' waist, leaving his sodden night clothes on the shower floor. This is like nothing they have ever done together. He can hardly call any of their last three encounters more than a quick fuck. But now, in the spray of the shower, with his back against the tile and his eyes connected with Remus', Remus enters him slowly and gently, amber eyes never closing or straying from Sirius' as they pant raggedly under the shower spray. Until Sirius closes his eyes and moans as he comes, whispering Remus' name like the prayer it is. Not long after does Remus come as well, murmuring _sorry_ over and over.

--

After that happens, everything changes. At least it does to Sirius. The pain multiplies tenfold every time he accidentally brushes his fingers against Remus' as they reach for the bacon and Remus may well have touched a fire, the way he snatches his hand back. Fuck, Sirius thinks, Remus knows. He must know, or he wouldn't be so jumpy.

He holds it in for days, until he thinks he will explode, and that is _exactly_ what he does when Severus Snape needles him again.

He is absolutely _sick _of the greasy, hook nosed Slytherin. He pretends to know it all and picks fights with them when he knows he can't win. Worst of all, he _looks_ at Remus during class, and the thought of it is so filthy Sirius wants to wash his mind clean. So when the Slytherin pushes and pushes, Sirius breaks. Not feeling up to hexing, but feeling malicious all the same, he gives Snivellus instructions on how to die.

--

Remus wants to talk to him directly after dinner, because soon he will be at the infirmary, and after that, the Shrieking Shack. Sirius' stomach flips. Does Remus know what he told Snape just earlier? Did Remus notice the wary glances Snape has been sending across the Great Hall?

"Look Sirius, I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately. This whole situation is ridiculous, and dehumanizing, and unfair to you," Remus tells him with a tired sigh. "It's like… like I can't get _enough_. The more I get, the more I want, and I can't stop it."

"It's not your fault-" Sirius starts.

"Yes it is!" Remus cuts him off. "I'm turning you into my sex slave, and you see nothing wrong with that? You'll let me crawl into your bed in the middle of the night and fuck you dry in the name of _friendship?_" Remus never curses. The word sounds cruelly arousing on his tongue, and this is the most inappropriate thought for Sirius to be thinking when Remus is gauging his reaction so closely. "You, Sirius Black, have a twisted sense of friendship."

Remus is about to leave, so before he can walk out of Sirius' life forever, he blurts, "I _want _it." Remus stops and looks at him in horror. "I _want_ you, Remus. I can't live without you. You have to know I chose this, I chose you, and you can have me however you want, or need, or fuck Remus, I don't want my feelings to ruin anything." And he kisses Remus. It's hard and desperate, mirroring their very first kiss in this room. But he gets a grip on himself and it melts into something soft, trying to convey the feelings he cannot explain.

Remus kisses him back. "I think I might feel the same," Remus whispers. "I think. But Sirius, we'll have to talk tomorrow. Just hold on until then, okay?"

As Remus' robes ripple behind him as he closes the dorm room door, Sirius falls into his mattress with a giddy grin. He can die happy, now, he thinks.

* * *

A shame nothing is so simple.


	3. Everything we wanted

(Weren't you wondering why this is tagged as AU?)

* * *

**Faster, Harder, Deeper**

_They're falling into love. MWPP, SBRL, SSRL, slight AU. Cliches with a twist._

Three, everything we wanted

* * *

Sirius could die happy right now. Remus maybe feels for him, is that reason enough? He's so giddy, just lying on his bed and dreaming of his future, his future _with Remus_, that he doesn't hear James until the boy abruptly stops talking. 

"Snape is headed towards the Whomping Willow," James says after a long pause, but Sirius barely registers it.

"What?" Peter questions. There is a slight rustle as the Map changes hands. "_What?_"

"Sirius, why is Snape headed towards the _Whomping Willow?_" James asks. His panic rouses Sirius from his daydreams.

"Shit!" Sirius exclaims, bolting upright. James and Peter stare at him. "I told Snape how to get past the Willow!"

"Why would you do that?" James asks angrily, grabbing Sirius' wrist and pulling him towards the door. "Never mind that, let's just stop Snape from going through that tunnel!"

His sense of urgency heightens as James rushes him down the stairs and through the Common Room, actually knocking Lily Evans off her feet on the way. "Sorry!" Sirius calls out as James pulls him through the portrait hole. Peter has rushed down the stairs too, but can't keep up with James' long, fierce pace.

Their shadows are growing longer with every step they take. Sirius can't keep up the way James is pulling him, so he shakes his arm free of James' grip. "Merlin, James! Calm down a little, alright?"

"No! I can't!" James exclaims, stopping to shove Sirius into the stone wall. "Why did you tell Snape? You know what will happen when he finds out, right?"

Sirius fakes the red on his face as exertion. "Snape was looking at Remus," Sirius mutters, avoiding looking anywhere but James' face.

"Let him have his suspicions," James snaps. "You don't have to _confirm_ them!"

"No, you don't understand," Sirius says, the hot flush spreading down his neck. "The way he _looks _at Remus. It makes he want to strangle him."

It seems to dawn on James, who promptly punches him in the face. Sirius is forced to look at his friend as he touches his bleeding cheek. "Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you can send Snape to his death!"

"I know, James," he murmurs, casting his eyes down.

"And do you know what will happen to Remus if he kills Snape?" James continues, throwing his arms up in the air.

"James-"

"Not only will he feel guilty for the rest of his life, the Ministry could-"

"James!" Sirius snaps. "The sun is setting now! We have to go!" James looks out the window, and his panic is renewed as the two of them take the front steps two at a time and skid to a stop in front of the Whomping Willow. Snape is nowhere to be seen, and a long branch lies beside the tree. Sirius promptly grabs it and prods the knot in the tree, and James runs into the passage as soon as the branches freeze. They run and trip and get up and run until they reach the Shrieking Shack. It's dark.

"Snape!" James yells out.

"Remus!" Sirius calls.

"Help!" Snape shrieks.

Remus growls.

Sirius doesn't know what happens, just that the next thing he knows is he's dragging Snape away as James, transformed into four-footed Prongs, holds the werewolf back, thrashing his antlers and pushing it back. Snape is screaming his head off and blood runs from his throat down the front of his robes and wets Sirius' hands.

"Shut up!" Sirius shouts in his ear. "Shut up!" He is entranced and terrified of the werewolf that is Remus. He's never been this close to him in human form. Snape does as he says, locking up in Sirius' arms, his head flopping and eyes wide. Sirius thinks he's dead and drops the limp body.

Instead, Snape starts screaming again, as his body begins to change. His skin becomes furry, his face becomes wolfish, and his shrieking becomes a harsh growl. Horrified, Sirius backs up, until he's backed into the wall. Prongs is still holding Moony off at one end of the room as Snape writhes on the ground. He is transformed in thirty seconds, but to Sirius, this feels like a lifetime.

He remembers just in time to transform himself. As a dog, he takes one glance at angry,_ angry_ Remus before he turns tail and flees.

--

He's grounded from Hogsmeade for the rest of the school year and has detention every night until the holidays, but that's nothing. The worst is that Remus won't touch, won't talk, and won't even look at Sirius. Sirius expected Remus to scream, fight, glare angrily, anything to express his anger. Sirius would have been fine with that. But being invisible to Remus' radar?

Sirius is going insane.

The rest of the week passes by in a haze of silence and dull heart ache. Just imagine, moments before that ill-fated incident he had thought that life was perfect. And now, life is much less so.

All because of Remus.

He hates Snape more than ever too. The greasy big nosed git. Snape, in turn, despises Remus even more than he despises Sirius. Sirius doesn't know the details, but Snape's secret is safe with Dumbledore, and anyone who outs either werewolf will have dire consequences to pay. And oh does Snape want to be a wizard. Ironic, how he's so immersed in the Dark Arts, and now he's a Dark Creature, Sirius thinks.

And instead of the_ looks_ Snape had been previously shooting Remus, now they are different looks, full of hurt and disgust and betrayal. What betrayal, Sirius wanted to know. It's not as if Remus was anything to Snape besides a piece of ass to ogle. Right?

The worst, though, comes two and a half weeks after that moon. When Sirius walks into the dorm room, so ready for a shower, he hears the water running. He glances around the room and deduces from the lack of Peter's dirty robes on the floor or James' open trunk, that it's Remus inside. He knows he shouldn't, but he presses his ear against the wooden door anyway, presses his entire body flush against the door and he listens intently. He can almost hear Remus' wet body as he shampoos his hair and slathers shower gel all over his body. He can most definitely hear Remus' moans and hisses and his breathy cry of_ Sirius!_

Sirius aches all over with want, even the simplest want to hold Remus as he sobs. He wants to comfort the boy, kiss the boy, make love to the boy. And he knows that Remus wants him too, if his wanton cries are any indication. But Sirius is pressed against the other side of the door, not with him. And he knows that when Remus opens the door, he won't even affix upon Sirius the most loathing glare he can muster. He'll brush by him like he's not even there. Sirius might be sorry with all his heart, but it doesn't change a thing.

* * *

was just too far away.


End file.
